Sometimes I don’t like being a mom. I always love my children. But sometimes I really don’t like being a mom.
What’s the difference? Well, loving my children requires no effort. They are my flesh and blood. I would walk through fire for them or fling myself off a cliff if I that’s what it took to keep them safe. They are beautiful, hilarious, smart as all get out and when I look at them I’m reminded of the love that created them. She has my nose and he has my husband’s eyes. They are little pieces of our hearts walking around on earth. Loving them is as easy as breathing.
But being their mom? What shit is HARD WORK. From the minute the sun goes up to the last flicker of light at night, I am responsible for their safety, their meals, their schedules, their cleanliness, their happiness, their development, their home life, their social schedule, their immediate future, their spiritual growth, their clothing, their emotional well being.... should I go on? Being their mom means always having 1000 tabs open in my brain. It means planning my life around two other lives that don’t care about my life because they don’t know anything outside their own needs and wants and feelings. It means sacrificing hot coffee for cold, warm breakfasts for a banana on the way to school, sleeping in for waking up when they want me to... it means laying my life down over and over and over again.
And sometimes... as hard as this might be to believe... i just straight up don’t like it.
No one would be bothered if my husband were saying this. No one would bat an eye if he said “man sometimes coming home from work and taking care of two kids really wears me out”. Because DUH. THIS ISH IS IMPOSSIBLE SOMETIMES.
But motherhood? How dare we.
Well.. I dare to say it. Sometimes this job is just... the worst. And I will not add on caveats of “but sometimes it’s wonderful” or “but I’m so blessed”. Because I will not make myself feel like my feelings are only valid if I counter them with something that won’t make people cringe.
I always love my children. But sometimes I don’t like being a mom.
